Halloween is a time of year when gamer imaginations can run rampant. How could a fan turn down an opportunity for cosplay outside of a con without judgmental snickers from the outside world? Truly, Halloween is the ideal holiday for gamers to be their dorkiest, but it can also be the most dangerous if their fashion sense is askew. Thus, I bring to you a list of game-related costumes that you should not attempt under any circumstances:
Black Hole (Beautiful Katamari): An object that devours everything in its path might be good for playing tricks and gathering treats, but it would get old reeeally fast. What do you do when you’ve suddenly sucked your neighbor’s dog Scruffy who isn’t potty-trained into your void? Or worse, that creepy guy down the street’s jalopy of a car that isn’t worth anything but likely has some incriminating materials in it? Being a black hole ain’t what it’s crack up to be, folks.
Wii: Considering how many injuries this thing has caused as a stationary console, I can only imagine how much it could injure you whilst trying to be one. The only saving grace would be if someone attempted to assault you (which they likely would due to the lameness of your costume), and you were able to use your Wiimotes in a nunchaku-like fashion to defend yourself.
Big Daddy (BioShock): Despite how jaw-droppingly cool this outfit would be if done correctly, it’s probably the worst choice you can make for practicality. First off, deep sea diving suits are clunky. Good luck trying to bust a move at a Halloween party in that thing! Visibility is also impaired, so if you do happen to trip and fall in that outfit (which you will), it’ll take about five men to pull you back up. Oh, and for those of you thinking that it would be cute to take your niece around trick-or-treating as your Little Sister, think again: hopefully no ADAM-hungry fans of the game see her and decide to go a-harvesting. Yikes!
Jack Thompson: Unlike the aforementioned costumes, this one is dangerous not because of what you might do to yourself or others, but rather what OTHERS might do to YOU. Sure, it’s perfectly normal to dress up as horrifying, evil people for this holiday, but none strike a sensitive chord the way in which this game-hating lawyer will amongst your friends. Dracula, Wolfman, Satan….pffft. Jack Thompson? Watch out. You’ll get tarred and feathered—and then you’ll look like a dirty chicken, which isn’t a brilliant costume idea either. Double fail!
Merchant (Resident Evil 4): A word to the wise: on a night when children are happily cavorting about and eagle-eyed parents are on the prowl, you DO NOT want to go around as a guy that whips open his trench coat, asking people if they want anything. Even if you didn’t have any weapons on you and instead flaunted perfectly innocent candy for the kiddywinkies, you’d get the cops called on you faster than you could say “trick or treat.”
Mii: If you dress up like your Mii, I will personally smack you, and you won’t be able to fight back effectively because you’ll have balls for hands (tee). Nobody should aspire to be a bobble-headed version of themselves to any capacity.
Please, for the sake of yourself and those around you, don’t be a n00b when it comes to your costumes. It’s all fun and games until you lose a limb or end up in jail thanks to some wardrobe malfunctions. Heed my advice wisely, and you are certain to have a happy Halloween!
