I know the majority of you expect a certain kind of blog from me at this point, but I'm selflessly taking a moment out of my regularly scheduled blog snark to make you aware of a serious medical condition that appears to be affecting the majority of males in my age bracket, particularly those that frequent this site. It has affected their quality of life as well as those around them, it appears to be spreading, and will continue to spread if gone untreated.
This condition is none other than Penis Text Syndrome (PTS). For those of you unfamiliar with it, symptoms may include desperate feelings of loneliness, misdirected and uncontrollable sex drive, an inexplicable compulsion to use camera phones excessively in the most inappropriate of ways, and a senseless need to assault female friends with their junk. Additional symptoms may include (but are not limited to) frequent photographs of their abs as default pics, random friends requests to anything that has a vagina, and incessant requests to see their female friends' no-no bits, even when they know they will be shot down as a result.
Treatment for PTS varies on a case-to-case basis. Certain SSRIs have been known to help, while drugs like alcohol have been known to exacerbate the effects of PTS. Viagara is also not recommended. In some cases, simply a cold shower will alleviate symptoms, but in others, only tasering has been effective. If you believe your spouse or significant other suffers from PTS, it is recommended that you carry around a small stick to occasionally poke them with if they start to eye their phone in a lusty manner or bring it to the bathroom with them. This is one of the first warning signs of PTS onset.
